Here we have listed a collection of funny dead beat dad jokes to make you laugh.
40 Best Deadbeat Dad Jokes
1. Sometimes I’ll write the setup for a really good pun but just get bored and give up…
I’ve been accused of being a deadbeat dad-joker.
2. I finally asked my Deadbeat, Deserting Dad what makes him happy. His Answer?
3. I am writing you several tickets for violating fatherhood rules:
Failing to pay child support, not helping your child’s mother raise your kid, and being a selfish deadbeat dickhead!
4. A circle trying to convince a deadbeat dad to attend his son’s game:
5. How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb?
(Alternately: “Well, he went out to get one…”)
6. Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?
7. It’s almost a tax season…
your deadbeat dad should be coming around soon to play “father’ with you.
8. A sign of the times:
Daddy, since you lost your job and mommy is supporting us, should I give my father’s day card for her?
9. Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?
It’s the only time they can call or raise anyone without feeling obligated to follow through.
10. Define deadbeat parent:
11. A married couple had a deadbeat son.
The son was working at his part-time job at a pizza place. The dad, at home, said, “I have an idea.” He laid a handful of hundred dollar bills, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskeyHis wife said, “what’s this for?” The husband, “This will give us an idea of what path our son will take. If he takes the money, he’s going to be a successful businessman. If he takes the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher. But, if he takes the Whiskey, our son will be a deadbeat drunkard.”
With the son coming home any minute, the couple hid in the closet to see which item their son will choose.
The son comes home, sees the items lying on the table. He grabs the wad of cash, skims through it, and puts it in his pocket. He grabs the Bible, skims through it for a good while, and puts it in his back pocket. He grabs the bottle of whiskey, opens it, smells the aroma as if it were a fine wine, then drinks half the bottle and takes it with him as he leaves the room.
“Now what?” The wife asked. “Our son took them all!”
“It’s even worse than I thought,” the father replied. “He’s going to be a politician!”
12. A Deadbeat dad is
If your kid is turning 3 years old and you are still showing people Ultra-sound photos
13. Communism is like a deadbeat dad.
14. Kids fighting:
White boy: every time I come over your dad is never home Tyrone
Tyrone: I said he at the store
15. Jesus is a deadbeat dad
16. Deadbeat dads
May your Father’s day be as free of parental responsibility as every other day of the year.
17. Spring is like a deadbeat dad
18. Deadbeat dad checklist:
- doesn’t see the kids
- doesn’t talk to the kids
- badmouths me and the kids
- breaks promises
- doesn’t pay child support
19. Do you know what is actually NSFW?
My deadbeat unemployed dad.
Not suitable for work? Yeah, all the companies he got fired from think so.
20. I never knew my father
but I’m sure he’d be so proud of me also being a deadbeat dad
21. All you deadbeat dads
should dress up like fathers on Halloween.
22. When your pops comes back home 18 years later and talking bout
“That line at Wal-Mart ain’t no joke!”
23. Spring is like a deadbeat dad
It keeps promising it’ll be there, but never shows up.
24. I wish Hallmark
made deadbeat dad Christmas cards.
25. Facebook:
helping deadbeat parents everywhere pretend to be involved with their kids.
26. A circle trying to convince a deadbeat dad to attend his son’s game:
“Sir, come for Ence.”
27. Trying to get your Ex to pay child support…
28. There’s more to be a father
than donating your sperm
29. When your dad calls asking where his Father’s day gift is,
30. If you lie down and make a baby
then stand up and be a father.
31. Deadbeat dads need to weigh their options
before they walk out on their children. Because one day you might need them like they needed you growing up!
32. What does a hardware store and a deadbeat dad have in common?
33. What’s the difference between a deadbeat dad and a robot?
34. A valve is like a deadbeat dad….
35. What is the difference between the pizza guy, and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
36. What do you call headphones that walk out on their children?
Deadbeats (Dre. Beats).
37. I’m horrified of my zombie children if I kill them
I’ll be called a deadbeat dad.
38. Deadbeat dads are like magicians
they pull lifetime disappearing acts.
39. Go ahead and act like dad-of-the-year on Facebook
but don’t forget, some of us know you in real life.
40. Deadbeat dads are like a plague on society
and all should be neutered with a breadknife
