40 Deadbeat Dad Jokes

Here we have listed a collection of funny dead beat dad jokes to make you laugh.

40 Best Deadbeat Dad Jokes

1. Sometimes I’ll write the setup for a really good pun but just get bored and give up…

I’ve been accused of being a deadbeat dad-joker.

2. I finally asked my Deadbeat, Deserting Dad what makes him happy. His Answer?

He hasn’t gotten back to me.

3. I am writing you several tickets for violating  fatherhood rules:

Failing to pay child support, not helping your child’s mother raise your kid, and being a selfish deadbeat dickhead!

deadbeat

4. A circle trying to convince a deadbeat dad to attend his son’s game:

“Sir, come for Ence.”

5. How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb?

I wouldn’t know, mine’s never around.
(Alternately: “Well, he went out to get one…”)

6. Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?

It’s the only time they can call or raise anyone without feeling obligated to follow through.

7. It’s almost a tax season…

your deadbeat dad should be coming around soon to play “father’ with you.

deadbeat dad

8. A sign of the times:

Daddy, since you lost your job and mommy is supporting us, should I give my father’s day card for her?

deadbeat

9. Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?

It’s the only time they can call or raise anyone without feeling obligated to follow through.

10. Define deadbeat parent:

1. Sees kids at their convenience
2. Doesn’t pay child support
3. Takes credit how great the kid is
Bitch! You have nothing to do with it!
dead beat dad jokes

11. A married couple had a deadbeat son.

A married couple had a son in his late 20s still living at home. The parents were concerned that their son showed a disinterest with pursuing settling down getting on with his life.

The son was working at his part-time job at a pizza place. The dad, at home, said, “I have an idea.” He laid a handful of hundred dollar bills, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskeyHis wife said, “what’s this for?” The husband, “This will give us an idea of what path our son will take. If he takes the money, he’s going to be a successful businessman. If he takes the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher. But, if he takes the Whiskey, our son will be a deadbeat drunkard.”

With the son coming home any minute, the couple hid in the closet to see which item their son will choose.

The son comes home, sees the items lying on the table. He grabs the wad of cash, skims through it, and puts it in his pocket. He grabs the Bible, skims through it for a good while, and puts it in his back pocket. He grabs the bottle of whiskey, opens it, smells the aroma as if it were a fine wine, then drinks half the bottle and takes it with him as he leaves the room.

“Now what?” The wife asked. “Our son took them all!”

“It’s even worse than I thought,” the father replied. “He’s going to be a politician!”

12. A Deadbeat dad is

If your kid is turning 3 years old and you are still showing people Ultra-sound photos

dead beat dad

13. Communism is like a deadbeat dad.

No matter how much it could potentially do, it never works.

14. Kids fighting:

White boy: every time I come over your dad is never home Tyrone

Tyrone: I said he at the store

 

deadbeat dad jokes

15. Jesus is a deadbeat dad

Said he’d be coming back soon 2000 years ago and we’re still waiting.

16. Deadbeat dads

May your Father’s day be as free of parental responsibility as every other day of the year.

deadbeat dad jokes

17. Spring is like a deadbeat dad

It keeps promising it’ll be there, but never shows up.

18. Deadbeat dad checklist:

  1. doesn’t see the kids
  2. doesn’t talk to the kids
  3. badmouths me and the kids
  4. breaks promises
  5. doesn’t pay child support
deadbeat dad checklist

19. Do you know what is actually NSFW?

My deadbeat unemployed dad.

Not suitable for work? Yeah, all the companies he got fired from think so.

20. I never knew my father

but I’m sure he’d be so proud of me also being a deadbeat dad

deadbeat father joke

21. All you deadbeat dads

should dress up like fathers on Halloween.

22. When your pops comes back home 18 years later and talking bout

“That line at Wal-Mart ain’t no joke!”

deadbeat dad joke

23. Spring is like a deadbeat dad

It keeps promising it’ll be there, but never shows up.

24. I wish Hallmark

made deadbeat dad Christmas cards.

25. Facebook:

helping deadbeat parents everywhere pretend to be involved with their kids.

deadbeat father

26. A circle trying to convince a deadbeat dad to attend his son’s game:

“Sir, come for Ence.”

27. Trying to get your Ex to pay child support…

is like trying to win the lottery. It never happens
deadbeat father jokes

28. There’s more to be a father

than donating your sperm

29. When your dad calls asking where his Father’s day gift is,

but he walked out of your life 10 years ago
father joke

30. If you lie down and make a baby

then stand up and be a father.

31. Deadbeat dads need to weigh their options

before they walk out on their children. Because one day you might need them like they needed you growing up!

deadbeat daddy

32. What does a hardware store and a deadbeat dad have in common?

Screws, nuts, and bolts.

33. What’s the difference between a deadbeat dad and a robot?

One nuts and bolts and the other is nuts and bolts.

34. A valve is like a deadbeat dad….

They both do well on creating, but suck at taking care of the offspring.

35. What is the difference between the pizza guy, and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

36. What do you call headphones that walk out on their children?

Deadbeats (Dre. Beats).

37. I’m horrified of my zombie children if I kill them

I’ll be called a deadbeat dad.

38. Deadbeat dads are like magicians

they pull lifetime disappearing acts.

39. Go ahead and act like dad-of-the-year on Facebook

but don’t forget, some of us know you in real life.

40. Deadbeat dads are like a plague on society

and all should be neutered with a breadknife

 

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