Boys Accused of Sex Abuse

by Tom Tyler

We live in a society in which we are pounded from every direction with sexual images, innuendo, and flat-out pornography. Gender discussions are around every corner. At the same time, we have never been more sensitive and protective as a society when it comes to sexual abuse or anything which vaguely smacks of inappropriate or uninvited sexual advances.

Has this gone too far?

Are people and boys in particular being falsely accused? Is the constant message of, "if it feels good, do it," causing boys to assume a sexual advance is OK in a given situation when it is not? One thing is for sure; boys have tremendous natural sex drive, regardless of societal influence on attitudes about sex.

What about girls? Girls are subject to the same "more sexually open" society the boys are exposed to. Girls certainly have sex drive, although it may be a little more complicated than it is for boys.

Girls can inadvertently take boys further toward the point where a sexual advance may be initiated by a boy. How do they do this? It could be because of a girl's deep desire for love and closeness.

In other words, it could be that girls interpret what seems to be a boy's "desire to be close" as just that. It could be girls are shocked and surprised when a boy initiates sexual activity; after all, she just thought they were showing each other love and affection by hugging and kissing. Some false accusations by girls may be driven by lack of understanding on the part of both boys and girls.

What is the answer?

The answer may (at least partially) be found in the common answer to many human conditions: communication. Jack Dempsey, the heavyweight prize fighter, said: "The best defense is a good offense." Unfortunately, it is very hard for parents to speak openly about sexual behavior, even today. However, if every boy was taught (repeatedly) to be extremely cautious when it comes to being close to girls, it would make a difference.

How? If boys were taught how dangerous being physically close to a girl is, and how a wrong move could affect them for the rest of their lives, the knowledge could provide considerable help toward reducing both real and false accusations by girls.

Good communication is not only for boys. Girls could also benefit greatly and help boys if parents really let their girls know how powerfully boys are influenced by their sex drive. Girls should also be made aware of how easily a girl's false accusation can destroy or severely damage a boy's future.

There is also this to consider . . .

My Lie: Why I falsely accused my father, is a book by Meredith Maran, who believed her dad molested her. The book is about the now discredited "recovered memory" phenomenon in which a therapist was supposedly able to bring suppressed memories to surface of the mind of incest victims. The Courage to Heal is the book which set in motion the movement about recovering suppressed memories - a book which Meredith was reporting on in depth in the 1980s. After submersion in the details of real cases of molestation, Meredith started dreaming about her father molesting her. She subsequently accused her father, and was estranged from her father for decades.

Finally, Meredith came to the conclusion that she had NOT been molested and that's the story of My Lie. The question is this: are any of the girls who are falsely accusing boys being influenced by some form of the recovered memory phenomenon? It could be part of the total picture.