To: dateline@msnbc.com
dateline@msnbc.com
Thanks for your Dateline program on fathers aired last night.We operate a national crisis and helpline for men and fathers (512-
472-3237 - 472-DADS). We receive over 30,000 telephone calls a year
from callers who are seeking assistance with a problem, usually
involving family issues. Approximately 1/3 of the callers are women.
We are supervised by the Men's Health Network and have a large Board
of Advisors consisting of approximately 1/2 physicians and 1/2 mental
health professionals. We also operate the toll-free Men's Healthline
(888-MEN-2-MEN) which distributes information on men's health issues,
including prostate cancer, testicular cancer, etc.
Four recent calls to our Men/Fathers HOTLINE highlight the struggles
of fathers trying to be responsible parents in a sometimes hostile
environment.
Call #1) Mother of 12 year old boy expresses fear that he is "turning
gay." Solution, take her son to bed to show him how great a woman can
feel. She is 27. Call to us is from the step-father, her 2nd former
husband, who is concerned about his 10 year old child who lives
with this same mother.
Call #2) Title IV-D agency goes after a father who has not paid
support in 13 years and did not know he was the father of the 13 year
old child. Mother recently divorced another man who apparently thought
he was the father. Mother is 31. Biological father (who "owes" the 13
years in support) is 25. No math major needed to determine that
mother was 18 and the father 12 when the child was conceived. It was
the father's first, and rather traumatic, sexual experience. Facts of
the case are verified by DNA test and court files. The title IV-D
agency presses on, advocating for a felon, a woman who committed rape
13 years ago. Father has an attorney and the case is currently in
litigation. Call to us was from the 25 year old father, followed by
calls from his attorney.
Call #3) Three years ago, father gains custody of young children while
mother is in drug rehab (again). Mother is ordered to pay minimal
support to him (he is husband #2) to begin when she gets out of rehab.
She does not pay and seldom visits the kids. 3 years later she is
married to husband #4 and living with her older 12 year old daughter.
Her daughter, 12, has 2 girlfriends, 12 & 13, over to visit, one year
ago, in the evening. Mother and husband #4 decide to tell them about
the birds and bees in a unique way, by stripping naked in front of the
girls and demonstrating how men and women masturbate, how to perform
oral sex, etc., etc. (according to the police report sent to us, you
name it and they did it).
Mother gets probation and father of the 3 younger children eventually
moves for termination, fearing a similar incident if and when mother
exercises visitation with the younger children, and father asks for back
support. Mother's parents hire a lawyer for her to fight the back
support. 2 months before the court appearance mother is arrested for DUI
("driving erratically ... stumbles getting out of car ..." according to
the police report sent to us). Search of her handbag at the police station
finds 5 balloons of brown heroin. She is once again placed in jail.
The 3 younger children have been living happily with the father for 3
years. A long newspaper article last year featured him as a single
father and his mother helping him get the children off to school.
At the termination hearing 2 months later, mother's family cannot pay
for her lawyer (they are broke from previous criminal law expenses) so
the judge (woman with a not-friendly-to-men reputation) orders the
father to pay mother's lawyer and orders an attorney ad litem (woman
known as a strident women's divorce advocate) to investigate what
should happen to the kids. Also orders a guardian ad litem (woman's
advocate). Court transcript has judge speaking on the need of
children for a mother and telling the court "... look at her ... she's
good looking ... she's been given a pretty good body ...". Also
proclaims, according to the transcript, "... They're now my children.
They are my children. Any district judge -- and we've got them to
they're 18 and that's about another 11 years for one and 13 years for
the other two." (The younger 2 children are twins.)
The father files a motion to nonsuit (his absolute legal right). At
the hearing (one month following the above-mentioned hearing) the
judge will not allow it and orders him to also pay the
attorney-ad-litem by the next hearing or go to jail (he cannot pay
her).
The next court hearing is within 30 days, sometime in January 1997.
Case #4) The HOTLINE receives dozens of phone calls a month either
exactly like this one or with similar elements. This case is verified
by a December 11, 1996 letter from the father's lawyer to a state
representative, "cc'd" to us.
Child lives with the father and is enrolled in school and the school
records reflect that the child continues to live with her father in
his house. Mother has left the home and makes no effort to provide
support for the child. The mother applies for, and receives, welfare,
claiming the child lives with her. Title IV-D agency files on her
behalf to collect child support from the father. They find out that
the child does not live with the mother. They proceed anyway, listing
the mother as "obligee" (the custodial parent, the person who has the
children and receives support) and the father as "obligor" (the
noncustodial parent). The case is ongoing with the Title IV-D agency
trying to collect several thousands of dollars in back "child support"
for the period during which the child has lived with the father (and
continues to live there).
This father is yet one more "dead beat" who did not owe the money to
begin with. The mother has committed welfare fraud but will not be
prosecuted, nor will the state ask that she repay the money.
If you would like to explore these cases further, please contact us at
this email address or at 512-472-3237.
Once again, thanks for your fine feature story last night.
Courtesy of:
Men's HOTLINE : 512-472-3237 : men@menhotline.org
------- A crisis line for men -------
807 Brazos, Suite 315 : Austin, Texas 78701
A service of the Men's Health Network : Washington, D.C.
