The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad

© Joel Schwartzberg. All rights reserved.

The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad by Joel Schwartzberg takes humor mixed with a dose of reality and transparency and wraps it all together in a package that any father can enjoy regardless of marital status. Arranged as a collection of 40 short essays, the book can be enjoyed both stretched out in short sittings or as a quick read in a day or two. As a recently divorced dad, it is easy to relate to Joel’s adventures with his three children in the aftermath of something that turned his world upside down.

I think what makes the book particularly endearing is that it grasps at the core issues that all dads face at one time or another. Schwartzberg grapples with feelings of self worth and significance, questions his ability to be an effective father, and chronicles his own growth and maturing as he endures the trials of life. I found that I laughed, cried, and was driven to thoughtful reflection during this enjoyable read.

The journey begins with a description of Joel moving back in with his “invasively caring” Jewish parents after his separation from his wife of 10 years. He soon remembers all the reasons he desired to move out back in high school, but at the same time the care and attention is strangely reassuring. Joel candidly speaks out about his feelings of imperfection and aloneness after the birth of his first child, which so drastically differs from what we learn on TV that we are supposed to feel as new parents. He recalls many of his children’s milestones and relates them to his own childhood experiences, such as the first day of school, going to the circus, and the struggle to expand beyond a palate of chicken fingers, French fries, and macaroni and cheese.

Despite the elements of humor that are interlaced through many of the essays, Schwartzberg also touches on deeper things. Through recounting a story about the battle his son Charlie had with a potentially life threatening medical condition, Schwartzberg perfectly describes the fear mixed with the desire to take our child’s place that every dad feels when our children face the unknown. In the end, we have to be content with reality. As dads, we are sometimes are reduced to spectators that can only “sit close and hold their hand” when life throws our children unexpected turns.

Perhaps the point that hit closest to home for me was a few of the essays that described the adaptability of children after divorce. Divorce is hardly an easy road, but you can substitute divorce with some of life’s other curveballs, like unexpected death or injury or other setbacks and disappointments. Schwartzberg reminds fellow dads that it does not matter what road you are on, we as fathers are still called to stay the course. It is our job to be our sons and daughters’ biggest fans. When we don’t lose sight of that important role, with a bit of luck and a few good laughs, it will turn out all right.

For more info, see www.divorceddadbook.com. Image credit: Svilen Mushkatov Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Dave Baldwin is Editor of The Father Life, where this article originally appeared. He is a businessman, musician, and divorced father of two boys who all live together in El Paso, TX.

- - Intimate Violence - -
News items relating to intimate violence.

- - Fathering News - -
News items relating to fatherhood.

The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad
Schwartzberg reminds fellow dads that it does not matter what road you are on, we as fathers are still called to stay the course. It is our job to be our sons and daughters biggest fans.

Karate: The Students Guide to Surviving a Traditional Dojo
Book Review: How fathers and children can make the most out of their martial arts experience.

Parental Alienation Syndrome
It's easy enough to find material describing PAS and how devastating it can be. But this book actually proposes effective countermeasures.

The Measure of a Man
Book review. There is no other court in the land where the penalty for perjury does not exist.

PAS: Beyond the High Road
PAS book review. Parental alienation syndrome and the pitfalls of being the good parent.

Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
More evidence that social breakdown begins at home.

Throwaway Dads:(2) The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be
No one could come away from this book without a deep appreciation of the irreparable harm being inflicted on children and society by the scourge of state-sponsored fatherlessness.

Child Support's Wacky Math
An indictment of Virginia's child support parenting adjustment.

FatherTime: Stories on the Heart and Soul of Fathering
Be a presence in the lives of your children, be self-aware, find the joy in fathering, provide a safe haven for your children, honor the mother's presence and importance, and model accountability and integrity.

Father Courage: What Happens When Men Put Family First
One generation cannot fully transform a culture, though those currently in their twenties and early thirties are giving it a solid attempt.

Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child
Pruett manages to grasp the essence of healthy masculine parenting.

A Long Way to Go for a Date
Should you marry an asian woman? One man's search for a traditional wife.

Still A Dad: The Divorced Father's Journey
How can divorce law be geared to fairness when winner takes all, humiliates the loser, and does it all in the name of the child's best interests?

Father and Child Reunion: How to Bring the Dads We Need to the Children We Love
A mother who denies a child its father is committing one of the most documentable forms of child abuse.

From Courtship to Courtroom: What Divorce Law Is Doing to Marriage
A concise, straightforward description of the reign of terror that is now routine in divorce court, told with the authority of a lawyer who has seen it all first hand.

The Fatherhood Movement: A Call to Action
The last five years has seen an explosion of campaigns dedicated to the crisis of fathers who are cut off from their children.

Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be
Few fathers realize how dangerous the current smear campaign against fathers is until they arrive home one evening to find the children gone and themselves summoned to court.

Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths
One by one, Braver demolishes the myths that have been used to justify judicial child stealing.

The Case for Father Custody
A review of the controversial book by Daniel Amneus that founded the father's rights movement.

Fathering Daughters: Reflections by Men
Dads relate the important things they have learned as the fathers of girls, from Amazon Books. By Dewitt Henry and James Alan McPherson

Sweet Secrets: Stories of Menstruation
Short stories and factual information about menstruation.

Working Fathers
An essential book for working men who want to be more involved in their children's lives.

How to Fight Sex Abuse Allegations and Win
False Allegations Of Child Sexual Abuse: What You Should Know.