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Home > Importance of Fathers > Article
Home > Child Custody & Divorce > Article

Daddy Oh Daddy,
Where Have You Gone?

This particular client, whom I will call William, came to us via the Internet.

William is currently 26 years old, with a college degree (BA), and was employed when he first came to us by an outsourcing company dealing with customer support for a computer manufacturer. Last year he earned in the mid $20,000, only slightly above the poverty level in the area in which he resides.

Several months ago he got a notice, a form letter at first, that the State Attorney General was coming after him to collect welfare funds that were being distributed to his wife (they'd been separated about 3 months at the time). The welfare funds, from both state and federal sources, were being distributed to William's wife without his foreknowledge or permission. Not being a lawyer, and with little knowledge of the law, it understandably scared the hell out of him. A week later a constable showed up at his door and served him with an order to show cause.

The State in which he resides maintains a complete staff of more than 1,300 people state wide whose job is to prosecute individuals in similar situations. Who pays their salaries? William does. As well as you.

In our second meeting I found out that he had left the marriage as a last resort. He continued to pay the rent, utilities, phone, and grocery bill for the apartment he had shared with his wife after he left. He also maintained in full force and effect complete Health Insurance (HMO) at about 15% of his monthly net income ($129/mo). He also sent as much spare money as he could afford, about $50 a week. He was reduced to sleeping on a friend's floor for nearly 7 months while trying to hold down his job.

At this point I will note, that approximately 87% of all welfare recipients are women "with" children. In order to qualify for most of the free government funds, the women must first physically acquire, in some manner, one or more children.

William's wife, 19 years old, has a documented history of drug and alcohol abuse, court ordered psychiatric incarceration, and violence, including a pending manslaughter charge.

She has now moved in with her mother, taking William's son 380 miles from his father, and has effectively created one more "fatherless" child in America, a fact with which the State Attorney General is not concerned. In most states in America women take children at will, or with little resistance, anywhere they please and as far away from the fathers as they choose, and create fatherless child after fatherless child.

According to reputable and well documented sources "fatherless" children:

  • Are three times more likely to have a child out of wedlock.

  • Are 2.5 times more likely to become teen MOTHERS.

  • Are twice as likely to drop out of high school.

  • Are 1.4 times as likely to be idle (out of school and out of work).

  • Are 2 to 3 times more likely to have had emotional or behavioral problems.

  • Are 4 times as likely to commit suicide.

  • Are more likely to have repeated a grade in school.

  • Are more likely to have been expelled from school.

  • Are more likely to, and in fact, have elevated scores for health vulnerability.

  • (Females) are more likely to marry and bear children early.

  • (Females) are more likely to give birth before marriage (600,000 last year.)

  • To have their marriage break up and repeat the failure over and over.

  • Performed more poorly on a wide range of assessments:

    1. Parent's ratings of hostility toward adults, peer popularity, nightmares, and anxiety.

    2. Teacher's ratings of school-related behaviors and mental health, including dependency, anxiety, aggression, withdrawal, inattention, peer popularity, and self-control.

    3. Scores in reading, spelling, and math.

    4. School performance indices, including grades in reading and math as well as repeating a school grade.

    5. Physical health ratings.

    6. Referral to the school psychologist.

However, William, and you, are footing the bill for a staff of over 1300 in this state, with lots of computers and technology, to squeeze William, to shake him down, not only with disregard for all of the above, but to actually create more children who will exhibit all of the above. Many fathers in William's situation do not or cannot stand up to the system, eventually disappear, and are then lambasted by the media and by government officials as "disappearing" and "deadbeat" dads.

William, however, loves his son dearly, and misses him. But, he has no money to retain an attorney, like many fathers in similar situations. After a good deal of agonizing and searching, he discovered us, a group who assist parents to enforce their rights in courts, and now William is at least able to answer the charges against him.

We recently finished William's Affidavit of inability to pay Costs of Court, as well as his original petition for divorce. After he was served with the order to show cause, he eventually lost his job, due in large part to being too broke to get to work and too emotionally upset to work. I believe he is entitled to unemployment and recommended that he file the necessary papers.

William is currently a complete financial, emotional, and psychological wreck. And most of all he misses his son. And you, the tax paying citizens out there will most likely support William, and his wife, and their son until this thing is over in a few years.

Welcome to America.

The story has only just just begun. I anticipate a motion to transfer jurisdiction in their original answer. So, in all likelihood, a few hearings later, William will end up in a court nearly 400 miles away. He cannot afford to fight in any real sense - even with my assistance, for free. It will take him years to heal his wounds, if ever. There are well documented sources indicating that William is highly likely to resort to drugs, excessive alcohol, and promiscuity, and will either disappear, be imprisoned, or kill himself - or...maybe...he'll kill you.

There are very few governmental funds and resources available to William, like there are for his wife, because he has no children. He's only a father.

Welcome to America.

The statistical data used in this article is available
from a variety of sources on the Internet, including:
Center for Disease Control
U.S. Dept. of Justice
Census Bureau
U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services
National Principals Assoc. Report on the State of High Schools

Copyright © 1996 E.L. Fielding & Associate


The on-line magazine for men with families.

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