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Fathering News
Check these stories:

Texas Fathers Win Again! Social workers and psychologists "incest cases" group gets foiled in court.

Therapist Loses License and One Million Dollars Another misandrist therapist gets caught selling sex fantasies to children. From the False Memory Syndrome Foundation News Letter

Supervised Parent/Child Contact An ideologue exposes her ugly compulsion to deny children's access to their father.

Study Finds Teen Pregnancy and Crime Levels are Higher Among Kids from Fatherless Homes Children reared in fatherless homes are more than twice as likely to become male adolescent delinquents or teen mothers, according to a significant new study by two economists at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

85% of Youths in Prison Grew Up in Fatherless Home Source: Texas Department of Corrections.

I Want to See My Dad! Staff of supervised visitation center demoralized by crowd of angry demonstrators.

America's Toughest Family Court Judge Speaks Out Judge says "The current biased system is run by reality-impaired ideologues."

How to Fight Sex Abuse Allegations and Win False Allegations Of Child Sexual Abuse: What You Should Know.

Child Support System Declared Unconstitutional Minnesota Supreme Court upholds ruling.

Of Statistics, Single Mothers and the Politics of Language Studies show that, overwhelmingly, children being raised in homes with both a mother and a father enjoy a lot of benefits that children from single parent homes do not.

Children in Single-Mom Households at Risk The fact that children raised by single mothers are at increased risk is found over and over again.

The Case for Father Custody Daniel Amneus makes the case for fathers getting custody of their children. "It is fatherhood which makes childhood possible."

New Single Father Suggestions Practical childcare tips for the man who has to go it alone.

Off the Boat When? Is 'child-support' just a euphemism for alimony?

Died With A Smile

by Paul Goetz

Parenting has been one of the most interesting, challenging, and rewarding experiences of my life. The gamut continues. With my son now 10 and my daughter now 7 memories of leaking diapers in public places have taken a spot in the long-term memory bank.

I'm an only child, so the multitudinous dynamics of sibling rivalry and interaction are somewhat new for me. It's intriguing to watch my kids tease each other, and get each other's goat. Both are equally talented, and usually quite successful. Various forms of physical contact and related antagonistic measures seem to come equally to both my son and my daughter. After years of observation, dismay, and mediation, I do not believe there are any gender related differences. Only, perhaps, some culturally learned gender strategies. My daughter has the same propensity for hitting, etc. as my son. However, she is more apt to resort to the Ali "float like a butterfly sting like a bee" strategy, as opposed to the Tyson, "I'm comin' to get ya mo fo" approach, although she's capable of both.

They love each other dearly, and frequently cuddle. But, sooner or later, one of them is hitting the other, or they're wrestling. Nothing vicious, or really violent, but just sport. And, of course, one always tries to blame the other for starting it. One of the most interesting to watch is when one does something non-physical, like taking something, or using favorite antagonistic or teasing words, or encroaching on the other's space, that they know will cause the other to start something physical. Drooling is one of the more nebulous ones. "I didn't hit him first," I've heard. They can give new meaning to the term "escalate."

Just before the start of the new school year they both had a classmate/friend sleep over. We were all watching a movie and talking (two 7 year old girls, two 10 year old boys, and me) when the conversation took an interesting turn. My daughter's friend, quite matter of factly, kind of out of the blue, stated, "girls can hit boys, but boys can't hit girls." I just sat quietly for a bit to see where the conversation would go, while my mind raced, wondering if someone had actually taught her that, or whether it was something that she had just picked up.

The boys (who are going into 5th grade) began talking about how the girls in their classes are often not disciplined for doing many of the same things for which the boys are disciplined. I found that sort of interesting since I know they have both had predominantly female teachers. They mentioned things like girls talking while standing in line (after being told not to), talking out of turn in class, and getting out of their seats to visit a friend at their desk. Also discussed was the subject of "headdress." Hats are not allowed to be worn in class. Of course baseball caps are the currently popular form of male headdress, and the boys are sometimes caught violating the rule. Girls, on the other hand, are into ribbons, bows, and other doo-dads. So, the rule effectively says that girls can decorate their heads, but the boys can't.

I finally asked the girl where she had learned that about who can hit who. She refused to answer my question, but smiled quite coyly.


The previous day the local newspapers had an article about DFL Senator, Kevin Chandler. Much to the chagrin of some, the state legislature had just decided not to pursue an ethics complaint against him for slapping his wife. Chandler had recently pleaded guilty to 5th degree domestic assault for slapping his wife outside a St. Paul bar, toward the end of their divorce proceedings.

Chandler's wife apparently readily admits that she hit him first, and instigated the physical contact. I've seen assorted pieces in the local papers several times about various aspects of the matter, including articles about "wife-beating," and "violence against women," and "battering," but I never remember reading anything about any governmental agency considering filing charges against Chandler's wife for assault. And, I don't remember reading anything whatsoever even hinting that Chandler's wife had even done anything wrong. And, I wonder, if Chandler's wife were a legislator, whether there would be any considerations given to filing an ethics complaint against her. Like my daughter's 7 year old girlfriend says, "girls can hit boys, but boys can't hit girls." I guess that's just part of "Minnesota Nice." Maybe some of you, especially from the Midwest, have heard that phrase. Or maybe it's "United States Nice."

Earlier in 1995 there was the case of St. Paul attorney, Jeanne Chacon, and her fiancee, Peter Erlinder. After a physical confrontation between the two of them she called the police, and he was arrested, and charged with assault. She readily admits that she first assaulted Erlinder. After she initiated the physical contact he apparently used physical force to restrain her. However, later, even after she tried to turn herself into the St. Paul Police, and admitted to two counts of assault, the government refused to arrest or prosecute her. He also stated that while she was assaulting him, a second time, beating him about he head, cutting his lip, and scratching him, he did not even try to restrain her, out of fear that he would be arrested a second time.

I've come across countless articles in newspapers regarding violent acts by women against men, women, and children. From the Susan Smith, Pamela Smart, and Loretta Bobbit incidents, to a woman delivering a baby into a toilet and stabbing it, to mothers throwing children off bridges, to a woman waiting in a car, with a gun, for a man to come out of a building. One of the most novel was a woman who put out a contract on the mother of her daughter's cheer leading rival/social competitor.

Just the other day, there was an article about an incident in Minneapolis, where the police are looking for a woman who allegedly entered the residence of her former boyfriend, stabbed him and his new girlfriend, and then took off. What struck me as odd was that the police, at the same time they claim to be looking for the suspect, failed to release either the identity or description of the suspect to the public. I guess they don't want any leads. It seems to me that when the suspect is a male there is usually an APB with descriptions all over the media.

All of the articles, besides having to do with violent acts by women, also have one other common characteristic. They never contain any emotionally charged connotative terminology that is used by the media when the violence is by a man, such an "battering" and "wife beating." And there is no subliminally suggestive terminology whatsoever linking the one specific act to any pattern of occurrences, such as suggesting "violence by women." In fact, even the words "domestic violence" are never used.

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Copyright © 1995, 1996 by Paul F. Goetz

View other articles by Paul Goetz.

The on-line magazine for men with families.

The Secret Alimony Hidden in Child Support Scientific proof exists that many child support awards are too high. By Roger F. Gay.

Fathers' Rights Are Fathers' Duties Why political action is the best thing you can do for yourself, your case -- and above all your children. By Stephen Baskerville.

Domestic Armageddon Who profits from the maternal child-snatching epidemic? Two book reviews by Stephen Baskerville.

Just Let Me Be a Dad A review of Michelle D. Lovato's book of practical advice for divorcing fathers.

Men Are Beasts Whereas false accusations by women are in fact rare, occurring no more often than do other false reports of crimes, such as bank robbery -- Joint Congressional Resolution 182.

Class Dismissed Has America created a new class of citizens who are excluded from constitutional provisions regarding due process and debtors prison?

Father from Afar Fathers from afar must learn how to hear what is not said, feel what is not seen, and say what should be said.

Let No Man Put Asunder Is our traditional faith in justice being eroded by courts that operate as a child kidnapping and extortion racket?

Angels and Divorce Dean Hughson tells how a couple of angels helped save him in those critical hours following his divorce.

Gender Bias in Family Court A paralegal gives her insider's view of women who make use of the child kidnapping and extortion racketeers in our justice system.

In the Best Interest of the Child Today's fathers are more likely to seek custody. Many of them will need to prepare for a child custody evaluation.

Mother Accuses Father of Child Abuse What to do? Win! Advice from The Fathering Advisor with links to resources.

What Fathers Do Jack Kammer's story shows us how fathers affect the lives of teenage boys.

Deserted Her mother said "Your father left you because he doesn't love you." Now she has learned the truth--her loving father was forced out of her life.

Matriarchy Marked by Tribalism and Violence Feminism reigns when men don't claim their children.

Deceptions of a Gender Equal Society All present and past human societies are patriarchal, in spite of the many feminist lies and half-truths invented to obscure this.