Fathering Magazine for fathers, dads, family


NOTICE: Most recent site content is not available to users of ad blockers.

Home
What's New
Beginners' Tour
True Stories
True Soap
Health

Topics
New Fathers
The Joy of Fathering
Importance of Fathers
Fathers & Sons
Fathers & Daughters
Single Fathers
Second Wives -
   Second Families
Gender & Fathers
Custody & Divorce
Father Custody
Child Support
Exposé
Cyber Bullying
Sex Bullies
Family Vacation
Father's Day
Mother's Day

Sections
Book Reviews
Fathering Poems
Interviews
Fathering Fiction
Cooking Recipes
Science Fair Project
US Constitution

News
Female Offenders
Juvenile Offenders

Child Health
New Baby
Premature
Circumcision
Intersex
Signs of Puberty
Car Hazards
Child Obesity
Teen Smoking
Teen Drinking
ADD/ADHD
PCOS
Autism

Men's Health
Hair Loss
Muse ED Review
Vasectomy
Micturition
Restoration

Columns
Stephen Baskerville
Michael Childers
Kirk Daulerio
John Gill
Paul Goetz
Sam Harper
Jim Loose
Mark Phillips
Fred Reed
Carey Roberts
Glenn Sacks
Clyde Verner
Archie Wortham

Exposé
Child Support Policy
Child Support Math
Commercial Justice
Abuse Hysteria
Missing Child Money
Gender Equality?

Legal Disclaimer








Fathering News
Check these stories:

Texas Fathers Win Again! Social workers and psychologists "incest cases" group gets foiled in court.

Therapist Loses License and One Million Dollars Another misandrist therapist gets caught selling sex fantasies to children. From the False Memory Syndrome Foundation News Letter

Supervised Parent/Child Contact An ideologue exposes her ugly compulsion to deny children's access to their father.

Study Finds Teen Pregnancy and Crime Levels are Higher Among Kids from Fatherless Homes Children reared in fatherless homes are more than twice as likely to become male adolescent delinquents or teen mothers, according to a significant new study by two economists at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

85% of Youths in Prison Grew Up in Fatherless Home Source: Texas Department of Corrections.

I Want to See My Dad! Staff of supervised visitation center demoralized by crowd of angry demonstrators.

America's Toughest Family Court Judge Speaks Out Judge says "The current biased system is run by reality-impaired ideologues."

How to Fight Sex Abuse Allegations and Win False Allegations Of Child Sexual Abuse: What You Should Know.

Child Support System Declared Unconstitutional Minnesota Supreme Court upholds ruling.


Of Statistics, Single Mothers and the Politics of Language Studies show that, overwhelmingly, children being raised in homes with both a mother and a father enjoy a lot of benefits that children from single parent homes do not.

Children in Single-Mom Households at Risk The fact that children raised by single mothers are at increased risk is found over and over again.

The Case for Father Custody Daniel Amneus makes the case for fathers getting custody of their children. "It is fatherhood which makes childhood possible."

New Single Father Suggestions Practical childcare tips for the man who has to go it alone.

Off the Boat When? Is 'child-support' just a euphemism for alimony?

Home > Child Custody & Divorce > Article

Shared Parenting: Using Child Development and Divorce Research to Make Appropriate Custody and Access Decisions

by Joan B. Kelly
Executive Director of the Northern California Mediation Center

(These independent notes made by Arthur Ignatiadis and Dr. Richard C. Weiss)


custody
custody © broker - Fotolia.com. All rights reserved.

Attachments of Infants and Toddlers to Parents
* At 24 months of age, children achieve object constancy, which means that they can retain the image of a parent well enough to tolerate some separation from that parent.
* By 6 to 7 months of age, children form important, early attachments to the father as well as the mother.
* At 18 months of age, the child's preference for the primary caretaker disappears; the presence of either parent is satisfactory to the child; either parent is seen as capable of raising the child. Visits of only one or two hours duration with a parent are inadequate.

Maintaining the Parental Relationship
* Legal conflict, apparent to judges in court, must not be confused as equivalent to genuine conflict outside of court. Legal conflict is not sufficient cause for sacrificing continuity of children's contact with fathers.
* Courts have over-emphasized providing geographic stability of residence for the child at the expense of the more important emotional stability of regular time with each parent.
* After divorce, children need to have a maximum of resources available through time with both parents, rather than removing one parent from their daily lives, which lessens resources available to children.

The Process of Divorce
* Two-thirds of all divorces are psychologically initiated by women (i.e. they want and instigate the divorce).
* Only 9 to 12 percent of separated or divorced parents remain angry in the long term with the other parent.
* The act of separating itself precipitates and builds conflict between couples. Some become chronic litigators.

Fathers as Parents
* Visitation makes fathers peripheral in their children's lives. This realization results in fathers dropping out.
* Boys living with their mother perceive more hostility directed at them by their mother, because the mother is unconsciously reminded of the boy's father.
* Actively involved fathers participate in their child's homework, sports, school, and extra-curricular activities. This is only achievable by sharing physical custody.
* Children really like and prefer a shared physical custody arrangement. What children want is regular involvement of both parents in daily activities; they do not mind the inconvenience of changing residences to achieve this. Children are not satisfied with standard visitation schedules. Separations of 10 days or more are much too long.
* In California, child support is adjusted to account for time spent with each parent.
* Lack of specificity in parenting schedules allows mothers to deny parenting time to fathers, resulting in conflict and fathers dropping out.

From the Child's Standpoint, a Fixed Parenting Plan Is Essential
* Children need a balance of work and play with each parent for their development. Just spending work time with mothers and playtime with fathers is detrimental to the child's relationship with either parent.
* As children grow older, from infants and toddlers to school age, parenting schedules must evolve to recognize this change in circumstances.
* Children of 8 or 9 years of age can adapt to alternating physical custody between parents.
* Between the ages of 6 to 9 is a critical period for children's moral development and preparation for academic achievement.

Guidelines for Parenting Schedules
* Involvement of both parents after divorce means each can actively monitor and support the child, while providing relief to the other parent. The unique and overlapping contributions of each parent become more important. Parents monitor curfews, limits to dating, drinking, partying, sexual activity, drugs, etc. Sole custody arrangements should be discouraged: one parent is usually not sufficient alone to monitor these behaviors.
* As children get older, there is an increase of autonomy and less relevance for a primary caretaker: the children are taking on more responsibility for themselves (washing, getting dressed, eating, etc.).
* Research clearly shows that father involvement at school benefits children.
* Extended weekends-picking up the child at school on Friday, and dropping off at school on Monday-is common in California. This arrangement not only provides more uninterrupted parenting time, but also effectively reduces conflict by avoiding contact between parents! Furthermore, there is a full day to be enjoyed on Sunday, without the dampening effect of returning the child that day. To implement an extended weekend schedule, parents only need to keep basic needs, such as pyjamas and underwear in each home.
* Children do not feel that regular contact with each parent is disruptive. They do not want long periods between seeing each parent.
* Mid-week visitation periods restricted to only a few hours are inadequate when the child is attached to both parents. It should instead be for overnight.

Preference for Joint Physical Custody
* Conflict between parents is of less concern to children if they can regularly be with each parent. As long as a child has a healthy relationship with each parent, high conflict between parents is not sufficient cause to automatically rule out joint physical custody.
* Children need and want more time with their father than is traditionally allowed. They want frequent and continuing contact with both parents.
* Even when joint physical custody is imposed upon mothers over their own objections, they eventually get to like it because of the freedom it affords them to do other things, and parental conflict subsides over time.
* Some mothers will object to anything; it makes sense to overrule them.
* Children themselves prefer a joint physical custody arrangement. Going back and forth between residences is generally not disruptive to children and does not increase instability.

Scheduling Joint Physical Custody
* For school age children, parenting plans have varied considerably. Generally, if both parents are geographically close to one another, and neither is abusive or otherwise unfit, a shared parenting arrangement is preferred and shown to promote the best outcome for the child. The better plans provide nearly equal custody; the best are those with alternate weekends and either a split week or alternate weeks. The former minimizes parental separation to between 2 to 5 days, and the latter to 7 days. An alternate-week visitation plan is best suited for older children. Toddlers need more frequent contact with each parent to minimize separation anxiety.

Prevalence of Joint Physical Custody
* As far back as 1990, joint physical custody (defined as a minimum of 35 to 50 percent of time with each parent) was the case for 18 to 30 percent of custody arrangements in California.

Consideration for the Child's Preferences
* Articulate children as young as 10 or 11 years of age are quite capable of expressing their own desires, which should be heavily considered.

(These independent notes made by Arthur Ignatiadis and Dr. Richard C. Weiss, Members of Subcommittee on Child Custody, Alabama Supreme Court's Permanent Study Commission on the Alabama Judicial System)



Copyright © 2000
FatherMag.com
All rights reserved.



fathermag.com
The on-line magazine for men with families.













The Secret Alimony Hidden in Child Support Scientific proof exists that many child support awards are too high. By Roger F. Gay.

Fathers' Rights Are Fathers' Duties Why political action is the best thing you can do for yourself, your case -- and above all your children. By Stephen Baskerville.

Domestic Armageddon Who profits from the maternal child-snatching epidemic? Two book reviews by Stephen Baskerville.

Just Let Me Be a Dad A review of Michelle D. Lovato's book of practical advice for divorcing fathers.

Men Are Beasts Whereas false accusations by women are in fact rare, occurring no more often than do other false reports of crimes, such as bank robbery -- Joint Congressional Resolution 182.

Class Dismissed Has America created a new class of citizens who are excluded from constitutional provisions regarding due process and debtors prison?

Father from Afar Fathers from afar must learn how to hear what is not said, feel what is not seen, and say what should be said.

Let No Man Put Asunder Is our traditional faith in justice being eroded by courts that operate as a child kidnapping and extortion racket?

Angels and Divorce Dean Hughson tells how a couple of angels helped save him in those critical hours following his divorce.

Gender Bias in Family Court A paralegal gives her insider's view of women who make use of the child kidnapping and extortion racketeers in our justice system.

In the Best Interest of the Child Today's fathers are more likely to seek custody. Many of them will need to prepare for a child custody evaluation.

Mother Accuses Father of Child Abuse What to do? Win! Advice from The Fathering Advisor with links to resources.

What Fathers Do Jack Kammer's story shows us how fathers affect the lives of teenage boys.

Deserted Her mother said "Your father left you because he doesn't love you." Now she has learned the truth--her loving father was forced out of her life.

Matriarchy Marked by Tribalism and Violence Feminism reigns when men don't claim their children.

Deceptions of a Gender Equal Society All present and past human societies are patriarchal, in spite of the many feminist lies and half-truths invented to obscure this.







US